Trader Joe, please pass this message on to our mutual friend, BBQ Chicken
Salad, as she no longer returns my calls.

BBQ, do you remember when we first met? I was shuffling through the lunch
salad section of the Capitola Trader Joe's, a forlorn look on my face. I
knew each salad well. A thrill to eat at first, so many flavors, so much
variety... but after months and months without a change I had become
despondent. I was looking for something new, something to make me look
foward to lunch... something to make me whole again. Then, like an angel,
you were in my life when I needed you most. Your tortilla strips were
aglow, like the sun glistening on a field of summer wheat. We embraced,
the music swelled, and our friendship was cast in stone. We spent every
week together, but limiting ourselves to only Wednesdays so as not to wear
on each other. I remember it like it was this week, the perfect BBQ
dressing, the generous piles of corn, beans, cheese, torilla strips, plump
chicken, and crisp, crisp lettuce. We became inseparable, possibly even
codependent.

Then, without warning, you changed. Was it a new man? (Don't tell me it's
Reynaldo from the taqueria, I told you he doesn't love you like I do
baby.) Whatever the reason, I barely recognized you. You were thinner, you
cut back on your corn, beans, and lettuce. You had red onion extensions
put in, and your once heavenly tortilla strips were now paper thin and
dull. But most importantly, the thing that tore my heart out... your
perfect BBQ dressing was gone. It was replaced by a small cup of true BBQ
sauce, a fine choice for ribs on the grill, but it had no right mingling
with you. It's size, taste, and consistency paled in comparison to the
original. Not to mention this new harlequin's friend, Ranch Dressing, who
was as out of place as a platypus in a pack of penguins. I don't know what
I've done wrong, but I want you back, whatever it takes. Please, I'm just
not the same without you.

Eternally yours,
Bryan


PS: Tell your neighbor Teriyaki Chicken with Rice and Vegetables that if
she gets another cup or two of vegetables going she and I should meet for
coffee some time.